Life in Korea:

The Concept of 'Jung'

I turned 35 on the 21st of May.

The first person to greet me was my son. He sang me a birthday song, that morning, the moment I opened my eyes. While still in bed, my husband greeted me and gave me a birthday kiss. Then in the evening, my parents-in-law, arranged for an expensive birthday dinner at my favorite sushi place in Anyang. For a gift, my hubby bought me a pair of dangling earrings and a gold band which we picked up at the jeweller's a day later. A day earlier I got e-greetings from several nice people.

Perfect day? Not quite. Not one of my Pinoy relatives remembered nor bothered to greet me online. But they do remember me when they have needs and requests. And my fair-weather Pinoy friends remember that I exist when I can be useful to them.  I am furious at the people whom I hold dear for they have devalued me that day.

I come to realize that in my relationships I assume the role of the pleaser and the giver. And if these people do not return my kindness, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I continue to be nice to them. For what?....nothing. I get totally nothing from them... not even a spark of emotional gratification.

Why should one invest time, energy & affection on those who do not value the other as a person? Kindness begets kindness. This will be my indefatigable rule, today and onwards. I will be helpful to those who help me. I'll be useful to those who are useful to me. Ignore those who ignore me. And spite those who spite me. I am tired of being a Polyanna.

Relationships should not be kept just for the sake of having it. It is tragically depressing that so many people call each other friends, lovers and relatives but do not mean it. I do not want to be a part of this ridiculously pitiful charade.

What nurtures people is the fellowship with others that is true, faithful and strongly bonded by honest affection and devotion. One that endures time and even absence over long periods.

Koreans call this 'jung'. In my long years in Korea I see this happen again and again. I am extremely moved by the subtle expression of affection and yet truly felt and received. Friends who haven't seen each other in years connect instantly as if time hadn't separated them at all. People who are close to my husband stay close for years on end. And they extend this 'jung' to me. I feel an honest acceptance and compassion from my Korean friends. With them I can lower my defenses knowing confidently that they won't judge me for what I have and don't have. With my relationships with fellow Pinoys, I am always  an heiron for I feel the necessity of wearing a mask. 

I believe that kinship, friendship, and all other forms of human alliance is in effect throughout history for the very purpose of human connection. If there is an emotional vacuum in a relationship then it should be ended. For in continuing so what purpose does it serve?

Koreans say that in the absence of 'jung' people must go separate ways and find others whom they can connect with. Sensible advice, I must say.

Follow the trail up...

This is Mt. Kinabalu, the highest mountain in all of Southeast Asia. It's a two-day, two-night climb to the peak. This is our trekking site. This is a World Heritage Rainforest and everything here is protected.

I thought trekking would be easy but I was mistaken. We had to cross 3 hanging bridges. Each bridge is longer than the preceeding one. It's a 100-meter drop with no safety net in the ground. It's a sure dive to one's death should one falls.

The bridge can only carry a load of 6 people at one time. The width of the foot path is just big enough for one person to cross. Mi-Kha had to do it on his own. (There was no way for us to assist him. I feared for his safety, after all he's just 5 years old.)

Despite the difficult climb, Mi-Kha kept up with the adults. He occasionally complained about his legs hurting and requested to be carried. But Appa (Daddy) refused him gently. Mi-Kha completed the climb up the trail and back again on his own.

This experience taught Mi-Kha a valuable lesson. He gained control of his faculties.

Life is a long and tedious climb up a steep and dangerous mountain trail. If we give up because of pain, fear or discomfort we'll never reach the top.

Some folks are a sorry lot simply because they gave up the challenge of life. They didn't go further up. They were the ones who stopped at the foot of the mountain.

5-star Shangrila Tanjung Aru Resort

I loved my stay at Kota Kinabalu. There is no dull moment in this place for there are various activities that the guests can enjoy. If you are the outdoor type of person you'll enjoy trekking and climbling the World Heritage Mt. Kinabalu. Mt. Kinabalu's rainforest is home to some monkeys and other endangered animals. We were lucky to see an iguana.

There is also the exciting rafting course. We couldn't join the rafting trip because it isn't safe for very young children so we opted for an island hopping tour and snorkeling.

The beach is a gentle slope. It is ideal for swimming and schools of fish come close to the beach to feed on bread crumbs. My son screamed gleefully when the fish swam around him.

The island hopping tour includes a stop at a lagoon for fish feeding. This is a fishing lagoon so the water in this part is deep. But the small docking bay has a board walk where people can feed the fish with crumbs.

Bandar Seri Begawan

Bandar Seri Begawan is Brunei's capital city. The capital city is the seat of power and culture. Here one finds the Royal Palace (Istana Nurul Iman), the Grand Mosque, the national museum, the water village and the world-famous 6-star Empire Hotel.

Istana Nurul Iman houses several structures which includes a mosque. It is the world's largest residential palace. The golden domes of the mosque inside the Royal Palace was designed by a Filipino architect. (I wish I knew his/her name.)

The Empire Hotel is indeed grandiose in all aspects. It has gold inlays in the ceilings and railings. It may be glittering in gold but there's not much to do at the resort. Guests can only swim and enjoy the sunset. The place is just serene. (Brunei, being strict and all, no one dare disturb the peace with frolic & fun.)

Our next stop was the Grand Mosque. This is more grand than that of the Empire Hotel for everything yellow you see in and outside the mosque is 21K gold. The great staircase that leads to the praying rooms are made of Italian white marble. The inside of the main dome is made of stained glass imported from England.

Taking photographs is not allowed inside the mosque. We could only take pictures of the exterior archs and entrance halls. The 3rd pic is a shot of the ceiling of the exterior arch. The yellow parts you see are all gold inlays and even the chandelier is made of gold.

We visited the national museum in Bandar Seri Begawan. This museum houses the Sultan's throne, crown jewels and his coronation chariot. Again photograph taking is not allowed inside the museum. The only souvenier that guests can take is the memory of the grandeur and riches of the Sultan of Brunei. At the museum lobby is a miniature chariot on display, guests are allowed to take pictures of this.

Anyway, when I think about Brunei, two things come to mind: oil and gold.

Brunei earns $6 million USD a day from its oil industry alone so there is really no need for them to develop their tourism industry. And indeed according to L'ong, our Bruneian guide, the Sultan's subjects do not pay tax of any sort. Education, medical and even housing are subsidized by the government. Treatment for all kinds of illness costs only $1 USD. Free education from primary to tertiary level. College students even get a stipend of $300 USD from the government.  For a country with a small population, a mere 372,000, the Sultan has more than enough to give away. This monarch takes good care of his subjects. An honorable duty worthy of praise. (When will the Philippines see this kind of leadership?)

The virtues of righteousness and piety are universal. If the leaders of a country are righteous then the people would have the blessings of a good life.

The Philippines is a Christian country.  If God favors the Christians, then why is Philippines not receiving His grace?  This is a question we should take very seriously. God is telling us something.

At a glance: Kota Kinabalu & Brunei

Kota Kinabalu or K.K. to locals is a melting pot of Asian tribes. The population is a mix of Malay, Chinese, Indian and of course native Filipinos who have been there for a long time. I am not sure if the Filipinos at K.K. are citizens or migrant workers.  60% of the population is Muslim, 40% are Hindus and Christians. Surprisingly, they live in harmony.

On the way to Mt. Kinabalu for a rainforest trekking, we drove by a river village. These are a large group of houses on stilts. According to our Indo guide, Rama, the residents of the water village is locally known as the Badjaos...and to my surprise, most of them are Filipinos. Rama said that they've been inhabitants there for a long, long time.

I remember learning about the Bajaos in my history class in high school. They must have been from the same tribe and was just separated geographically.

My heart sank for the Filipinos are not only poor in their home country but they are also the mediocre class in Malaysia. But they choose to stay there for they earn well enough in K.K.

Along the banks of the Brunei river is another water village similar to that of K.K. It seemed like a slum but it isn't and a tour of Brunei's capital Bandar Seri Begawan actually includes a short visit to the water village. According to our Brunei guide, L'ong (a Bruneian of Chinese-Malay descent), the water village is a part of Brunei culture. Brunei is not ashamed of it at all. This village is complete with the necessities of a town. We saw among others a floating mosque, a floating primary school and a floating police station. Residents of the water village are ferried by boat taxis.